Reunion 2011

How much fun was that?!

Pat and I attended her family reunion in Fresno, Ca. his past weekend.  It was the first time she had been to Fresno since her grandmother’s funeral in May of 2008 and the first time she has seen most of her extended family since then.

First, “Big Ups to the reunion committee for the great job, (although I kinda miss the T-Shirts this year … not complaining, cause I know how hard your job was!!!) the hotel was nice, the food was good and the staff did a fantastic job of making us feel welcome.  Next, to Miya and Tish, that was a great presentation and even with the dust-up you handled it with integrity.  What you have to remember is sometimes even with the purist of intentions there are always going to be people that because of their life experiences are not going to see things the way you intend them,  You have to sometimes allow them their demons without accepting their life’s viewpoints.  I thought you both handled it gracefully.  Life’s experiences shape your viewpoints and can skew how you view certain things so who’s to say what they feel is right or not, to them.

Enough of that.  I really enjoyed seeing everyone and Pat getting to be with everyone was an event I am glad she had.  I am glad that I got to thank everyone personally for all the prayers and testify to the greatness and goodness of God everyday.  Thank all of you for the kind words and the “praise” for the job I am doing, although I feel that I am only doing what I should be doing, what I promised God I would do, “In sickness and in health”.  Believe me I would prefer not to be in this position, not because I don’t want to do it, but only because I would prefer her not to be ill.  To all of you young people out there, love is wonderful when everything is going well but this is also part of the deal, think long and hard, God is watching you and how you handle the difficult times shapes and shows your character.  I took lots of pictures, some good, some….well…anyway I am looking for a way to share them online (does anyone know of a picture-sharing website?) oh and I think Jill Scott’s “reunion song” would be a good theme song for this trip.  Hopefully we’ll see you next year!

Unfortunately, Tuesday I had to take Pat down to the emergency room.  She developed a sudden onset headache late Tuesday afternoon which didn’t respond to medication and since it was also the first headache she has had since her brain surgery I didn’t want to take a chance on ignoring it.   We drove down to Riverside arriving at the emergency room about midnight.  They ran blood tests and did a CT scan and gave her some intravenous fluids. They also commented that her heart rate was also slightly elevated.  Then the doctor came in to tell me what it wasn’t and what they were looking for.  He said it wasn’t meningitis, there wasn’t any bleeding in the brain and there was no evidence of tumors developing in the brain.  What he didn’t or couldn’t tell me was what was causing the headache.  So about 4AM they released her when her heart rate slowed to 95 (still a little high for my taste but Pat wanted out before they tried to admit her).  The next day (actually the same day I guess) she woke about 11:00 saying she felt fine and wanted to go home so against my better judgement I packed up the car preparing to drive home and wouldn’t you know it when I finished the headache came back.  So I took her to get something to eat and had her drink more fluids and made the decision to spend one more night at my sister and brother-in-law’s home in Fontana before making that trip back home.   She took a long nap after eating and when she awoke the headache was gone.  My diagnosis, (I’m not a doctor and don’t even play one on television) is that she was dehydrated, and needed some rest after the long trip to Fresno and being off her routine.  So after the trip home she seems to be fine today so maybe it wasn’t such a bad diagnosis.

Again we had a great time and wish everyone God’s Grace!

Repost of “Not Sure” and “Stronger” from October 2010

·        Not Sure

• |10/02/2010 10:55 am

2 Corinthians 5:7 – “We Walk By Faith, Not By Sight”

October 2, 2009

I am sitting at the bar (drinking lemonade) waiting for my order to come, when the server asks, “What’s the occasion?”  I gathered myself and simply said “I am hoping to bring a little joy to my wife, it’s our anniversary and she is spending it in the hospital across the street.”  At that moment, I had no idea if I would be spending another anniversary with her.  She was in the hospital with pneumonia, post-hepatic neuropathy, and an even now non-diagnosed mental condition that caused her to be non-responsive and unable to recognize or to communicate that she could recognize friends and family members.  She even would from time to time call me by another name, although she did know that I was her husband.  (Who the heck is Larry?!)  It seemed with any forward step she would take, a new crisis would develop.  In a period of 3 months, she was in the hospital 4 times, for at least a week each time.  There were times when the world would tell me I may not have her by the end of the week.  As I look back, those were some very dark and scary times because I didn’t recognize that God was truly in control and I had not truly released Pat’s situation to Him.  Now having seen his wonders, I can say that I see I was walking by sight at that time.  What I mean is that, I was looking at her physical condition, and listening to what the doctors were saying (and Not saying), watching the expressions on the faces of the nurses and therapists attending to Pat and trying to interpret what I thought those expressions meant.

Since then, watching God work with Pat, watching Pat fight and struggle and scrap, I remembered this verse from Second Corinthians and I remember Fred Price ending his program every Sunday with it.  “We walk by faith, not by sight”.  In this last year I have grown to trust in my faith in God, I am learning to trust Him and learning to let go of that “kite string” as difficult as it may be.  I have come to accept I am human, with all the frailties and weaknesses that that may encompass.  I am a man, always trying to “fix” things like we tend to do.  I ask constantly for His forgiveness for my weakness and I ask Him to strengthen my resolve to let Him do his work.  I am learning to totally trust that everything will work out the way it should if I just “get out of His way” and let Him work.  I try now not to “freak out” every time she coughs or winces or stumbles.  Yes, it is hard, but I can now look back and say, look at how far she has come, look at how she is doing now, look at what she has overcome, and look at what God has done!  Now when those anxious moments arise I stop myself and say, don’t look at what you see, look at what GOD HAS DONE!  Walk by faith not by sight, because no matter what the situation “looks” like, He is in control, His Will will be done and my job is to get out of the way and let Him work.  I have discovered the more I trust, the better things work out.

Fast-forward to today; today we celebrate our 28th wedding anniversary. We’ll go to dinner and talk about this last year and the time to come.  I look forward to many more, but I savor each and every moment so as not to look too far forward and miss maybe miss some special minute we share.  “Slow down and live” is starting to become my mantra and to any of you that know me, you probably know how difficult this is for me.  I have always been zooming around even as I seem to be relaxing, my mind is always thinking ahead, what’s next, what do I have to do, what haven’t I done, what do I need to do…

Anyway, Pat is getting stronger each day, she is gaining weight, she is tolerating the new chemo much better than the last one and the Doctor we saw for the second opinion says things are progressing toward the positive.  Life is good, but most importantly, God is good …All the time!

To all of you, please keep up the prayers, we love you all and pray that if all is not well in your life, learn to:

Walk by Faith, Not by Sight.

Floyd

• Stronger
• |10/12/2010 10:10 am

Last week we saw Pat’s oncologist before her chemo treatment.  He says Pat’s treatment is going well.  The cancer is no longer growing, the fluid around her heart is decreasing (which he said he had been concerned about) and the fact that Pat is getting stronger was good.  He said based on her tolerating this treatment as well as she is, he is adding another round so she will be continuing it until the first week in December and then maybe she’ll take a break.  He is ordering both a CT scan of her chest and an MRI for her brain to ensure that all is going well there also.  So for the first time in a number of visits, Dr. Gloom had no rainy weather news.  Thank you Lord!

As I said Pat is getting stronger.  She walks around the house without using her cane and has started going out on the patio by choice for short periods.  Now this may be because the weather is cooler, our daytime temps are in the mid 90’s and lower, but I think she is just returning to her “old self”.  She recently made the comment “I’ll be glad when I can start working in the yard again”.  She is determined and has no thought of not being 100% healthy again.  In the last week, she has worn real shoes again.  The neuropathy in her feet is really bad, so for her to be able to put on a pair of shoes, even for a few hours, is a great victory.  I am so thankful to God for giving her that “Warrior Spirit” and for walking with her through this ordeal.  Wow, I think that is the first time I have used that word, ordeal.  We have been so blessed in our faith and your prayers and so sure that God is with us we have never thought of this in that manner. I still don’t, so let me correct myself, this is a journey, a chance to see our faith in action, to see God do His work in His way and to give us an opportunity to testify to His greatness.  Believe me when I say all the prayers we have received are just that, a testimony to God’s Word, that He will not forsake us in our time of need.

I want to say, thank you to all of you that have helped us along this Journey, I hope you all know how much we love you and appreciate all the prayers, calls, cards and visits, especially those of you that gave your time to come and stay with Pat when I was still trying to balance holding on to a job and caring for Pat.  I want you to know that I have no bounds to the appreciation I feel for that selfless display of compassion for us.  I just hope you know how much it was, and is appreciated.

On our way home, we pass a cross placed on the side of the road marked with the date September 25, 2009.  That date is significant in a few ways.  First it is the day my BFF celebrates his birthday (each year), but that specific day two things occurred.  It was the day Pat and I returned home after one of her hospital stays, but the reason for the cross was that it marked the date and place a gentleman lost his life in a motorcycle accident.

Pat had been in the hospital because she had a bout with one of those “mental breaks” I mentioned in a past blog.  She had spent about a week in the hospital, and wasn’t really herself, but they had released her when all of her blood-work numbers finally returned to normal.  We had stayed an extra day or so to make sure she was able to travel, (we had a very scary episode once before trying to get back too soon) so we went to lunch with two of our friends during which Pat maybe said 20 words over the course of two hours.  Those of you, who know Pat, know that is very abnormal.  She was anxious to get home, and although she couldn’t verbally communicate it, I could tell.  She later told me that while we were driving, she thought we were going to crash because I was on the wrong side of the road and the cars were coming right at us.  She said she kept telling herself, it was her and that she knew I wasn’t going to let her get hurt.  Anyway, when we finally started home, the Doctor called us and said he needed Pat to take a medication he had neglected to give us so we needed to stop in Victorville to pick it up.

I guess I need to regress and tell another story about an incident that had happened on this stay.  It is possibly the most painful thing that had happened so far, and I still get a pang in my heart every time I think of it.  As I say Pat was not herself mentally, and I was having a difficult time getting her to take her medications, imagine trying to get a 3 year old to eat their vegetables. That was Pat.  This particular day had been challenging, in that I kept finding her pills that she told me she had taken, under the covers and on the table, and other places you couldn’t imagine.  I was literally at the end of my rope.

• Stronger (part 2)
• |10/12/2010 04:45 pm

As I was saying, I was at the end of my rope.  For the second or third time that day Pat had pulled a “chipmunk” on me (holding the medicine in her mouth and not swallowing it like she should).  I tried reasoning with her, but it just wasn’t working.  I tried begging, that didn’t work.  I just couldn’t reach her.  I asked her if she knew she was suppose to take the medicine, that it was for her own good, that if she didn’t take it bad things could happen to her, but it didn’t change the fact that in her mind, she didn’t like taking medicine and nobody was going to make her do something she didn’t want to do.  So in my frustration I looked at her and said “That’s it, if you don’t take this medicine I’m done!” and I walked away.  She looked at me and asked “We’re done?” in the voice of a child.  “Yes”, I said and I got up and left and drove to Starbucks to clear my head, never stopping to realize what had just occurred.

When I returned she was basically sitting in the same spot and looked surprised to see me when I came and sat beside her.  I asked her if she had taken her pills and she said yes she had.  She had this expectant look on her face, and it took me a while to figure out she wanted me to talk to her about what had happened.  I asked what was wrong, and said I was not angry; I was just frustrated that she wouldn’t take her medicine like the Doctor said.  She then asked, “Are we still finished?”  That’s when it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.  When I told her I was done, in her state of mind, she thought I meant I was leaving her, as in done with her…period.  I felt like crap, I still do, every time I think of it.  Here she was in a situation where she wasn’t able to rationalize normally, was sick, far away from home with no one to care for her and I had in her mind told her I was leaving her.  What a jerk!

I explained to her that I loved her and would never leave her especially now, and that I was so so sorry that I had said what I did and never meant it the way she took it.  She seemed happy about it but she still fought me about taking the pills, she is so stubborn but that is what makes her Pat and that’s why she is still here.

Back to the trip home, she was still in that lower state of function when we had to stop for her medicine.  Both of us were really ready to get home, so you can imagine our disappointment when the pharmacy didn’t have the prescription ready when we got there.  As we sat in the car waiting, I couldn’t understand why we were having all these delays, as if we weren’t supposed to go home.  Finally after a delay of more than an hour, the medicine was ready so I got out of the car, told Pat “don’t run off” and started back toward the building.  I got one row up and this lady was backing out of a parking place and she didn’t see this parking cone so I whistled at her.   She hit the cone anyway and drove off!  Oh well.  Later when we got home, Pat said there were two guys standing a few cars over and when she heard me whistle she thought I was telling them to come get her!  My poor baby.

We were finally on our way home, but traffic was a little slow and I could tell it was making her nervous because she was so quiet.  I eventually just made up my mind I was not supposed to go any faster than I was going.  This brings me back to the cross.

It turns out that less than a couple hours before we had gotten to Shoshone a highway patrol car heading to Pahrump passed two motorcycles speeding toward Shoshone.  When 1 of the motorcyclists looked back to see if the CHP was going to turn around he drifted into the oncoming lane and was struck by an SUV and killed.

Who knows for sure, but if we hadn’t been delayed, might we have been that SUV?  At the least, we may have had to sit in the hot weather for a couple of hours while they cleared the highway.  As it was, we waited about 20-30 minutes and Pat said later the longer we waited the more frightened she was that someone was coming to get her to take her back to the hospital.  It goes to show that sometimes when something slows you down, or that knucklehead in front of you is lolly-gagging it may be for your own good.  Sort of like God saying to you, all in good time.

God bless all of you, we love you, thank you for all of the prayers and please keep praying!

Thank You

Just a quick note.

Yesterday marked the second year since Pat’s brain surgery.  She is doing pretty good right now and is looking forward to heading to Fresno tomorrow.  I ask for your prayers as I drive those highways.  We have had many ups and downs and many challenges over these last two years.  With God we have met them and come through them.  We continue to pray and she continues to battle.  We want you all to know how much we love you and appreciate the many calls and prayers you have given us over the last two years.  We pray that a total healing is coming soon and ask for your continued support.  Most of all we want to say THANK YOU!

Floyd

Reunion – August 2011

This is going to be a great week.  We plan to attend Pat’s family reunion in Fresno this weekend, giving Pat the opportunity to see relatives she hasn’t seen since her grandmother’s funeral in May 2008.  If you remember there was supposed to have been a reunion in San Diego in August 2009 but it was cancelled at the last minute, Pat was diagnosed that week with the stage IV cancer and Pat, Sonny and I decided to go to San Diego and have our own little reunion so to speak to gear up for the coming battle.  So here we are, thanks to God, two whole years later, planning to attend the reunion.  Pat is really looking forward to this and I hope she has a good time.

Pat had to skip one of her treatments due to a low hemoglobin count.  We are happy to announce that after much Prayer her count is almost up to a normal  range so thank you to all of you who said a prayer, it works and God is good.  The oncologist asked her to skip this weeks treatment also, feeling that the long drive to Fresno and the exposure to all the people would not be a good combination after the treatments, so we won’t have to go to Riverside before driving to Fresno.  This means a longer drive the first day, Pahrump south to Baker, Baker south to Barstow, Barstow west to Bakersfield, then Bakersfield north to Fresno.  That’s about a six hour drive I think, so we will need to get out about 8AM if possible.  I’m not planning to push it we’ll take our time.

This is a good place to post the favorite post I’ve done.  It’s called Storm Clouds Coming Parts I and II.  It tells the story of Pa’s Brain surgery and the recovery.  It also tells the story of me seeing that God was definitely watching over Pat.

• STORM CLOUDS COMING (part I)
• |09/19/2010 02:33 pm

I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words.  How wonderful life is when you’re in the world! – Elton John, from “Your Song

Check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV3r8rDDmNs

(You might want to go to the site, start the song and return to the blog to read while the song plays)

This is the song that Pat sang as she was coming out of a semi-coma after her brain surgery last year.  It was a defining moment but at that time I didn’t realize how defining it was.  But I’m way ahead of myself…

You may recall, if you go back a couple of posts, I said storm clouds were brewing after Pat’s extremely successful surgery.  The Dr. told me after her surgery the next couple of days would be critical, but to watch her carefully as over the next 24 hours as there may be some swelling of the brain which would cause headache pain.  If that were to happen, she should be given a certain painkiller, but if the pain didn’t go away in 20 minutes he needed to be notified.  She was fine in the recovery area for the next 2 days so they moved her to the next level of recovery.

Later that night, she awoke with a slight headache she said, so I went and got her nurse.  She came in and asked about the level of pain, you know, “on a scale of 1 – 10 how is your pain?”  Well Pat normally would answer 2 whenever she was hurting, but she surprised me when she said 8 or so.  She told the nurse to give her the pain medication which was unusual as Pat doesn’t like taking medicines for anything.  I know, you would think, but she just had “Brain Surgery”. Yeah I know, but this is the same headstrong person that went almost 2 full months ignoring the headache the aforementioned tumor was causing before she finally relented to seeing a Dr.  Anyway back to the pain medication.  Pat asked for and received the pain medication and we were waiting for it to take affect and talking while we waited.  Unfortunately it didn’t and the pain was getting worse.  So I went out after the 20 minutes had passed to look for the nurse.  Unbeknown to me, the nurse had gone in to check on Pat (while I was out looking for her) and given Pat a shot of Morphine!  We had told them under NO circumstance was morphine to be given to Pat, but she either didn’t read the chart or chose to ignore it.  Either way, when I returned and found out that that had happened I was furious!

I then explained to her that the neurosurgeon had instructed us that he should be notified if the meds didn’t stop the pain within 20 minutes.  Even with them giving her Morphine, it had been 30 minutes now and the pain was not subsiding.  She said the resident had been called and he would be there shortly as he was on his way on rounds.  I figured she was afraid to call the neurosurgeon but I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I called my sister who knows a thing or two about how to get things done in a hospital setting.  She told me it was within my right to tell the charge nurse that I wanted to speak to the hospital administrator, in that that the neurosurgeon had given explicit instructions to wait no longer than 20 minutes after administering the first med to call him if it didn’t work. So I told her if she was not going to do so, then pick up the phone and get me the hospital administrator immediately.  I then explained to the nurse I have nothing to lose and nothing else to do with my time if something preventable should happen to my wife.  I believe this time she understood I meant business and wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

She then paged the Dr. and within 3 minutes the resident came through the door asked Pat a few questions and then instructed the nurse to administer a certain drug, to which the nurse said she couldn’t do that, that they weren’t authorized for that particular regimen or something.  He looked exasperated and said to me “I’ll be right back” and then he was on the phone to someone.  It had been about 40 minutes since the pain medication had first been given and after about another 5 minutes, in rushed the neurosurgeon.  He tells the nurse to give my wife a certain set of medications and she snapped back “Well we don’t do that on this ward”.  He turned to her and gave her what I can only describe as the “Look of Death”.  When he did, she took a step back, her eyes wide open, and he said softly “then I guess we need to get her off this floor!”  Within 3 minutes, a gurney and 2 orderlies showed up to take her away.

The Dr. pulled me to the side and said, “Do you remember I told you sometimes the brain swells and it may be necessary to go back in?  We may be at that point, but I’m going to give her something to see if I can get the swelling to stop, if not, I am going to have to go in and relieve the swelling.  Now if that happens, she won’t be the same, but let’s just hope that that won’t be necessary.”  He sent me to the Critical Care Unit saying he had to go get the operating team prepared and to wait there, and then he was gone.  I walked to CCU, my mind reeling from everything that had just happened, and all I could do was pray.  Just to think less than 8 hours ago, she was well on her way to recovery and now she was looking at another surgery, this time a life altering surgery!

• STORM CLOUDS COMING (part II)
• |09/19/2010 02:37 pm

CONTINUED FROM;
STORM CLOUDS COMING (part I)

Pat arrived about 25 minutes later in CCU and the nurse there came to get me.  He said she was not really conscious and that the Dr. would be down to check on her soon.  When the Dr. arrived, he gave me that little smile he has and said “the worst has passed; I think she’ll be alright, but it was close.  In fact, this is the closest I have ever been to going back into surgery and not having to do it”.  He said the team was scrubbed and in the operating room waiting to start the surgery when the swelling stopped.  “But, (he said), we need to watch her closely for the next couple of days to see if any damage was done”.

So for the next couple of days I sat by her side watching and waiting for her to return from wherever she was sleeping.  She slept and I prayed and talked to her and read to her.  On the later part of the second day I awoke from dozing to hear Pat making verbal noises.  I stood over her as she seemed to be maybe talking in her sleep but sort of mumbling.  I softly called her name several times but couldn’t get a response from her.  After a few more moments she opened her eyes but seemed to be looking just over my shoulder.  I looked to see if there was something on the ceiling but there wasn’t.  Meanwhile she was still making that mumbling sound but by now it seemed she was forming words.  I leaned closer and finally could hear the words, but not realize there was a melody.  I kept listening until it finally hit me…she was singing Elton John’s “Your Song”!  She sang it at least 2 times through before she finally responded to me talking to her.  I asked her “what are you singing?”  She said “nothing” then smiled and said simply “Hi” then closed her eyes and went back to sleep.  When we talked about it later, I told her what had occurred and she said “I don’t know that song”.  I am convinced, and ever shall be, that she was looking at her Angel telling her to come back, that it wasn’t her time to leave, “how wonderful life is when you’re in the world.”

To this day, Pat has no memory of what happened that evening, though we speak about it often.  I can’t hear that song and not say, “Thank you God” for sending her a guardian angel, for loving her, holding her in your hands, walking with her, giving her this time.  I wish there was a way to thank Elton, but …

I played that song this morning when I started writing this, I was crying before he got to the refrain.  Pat walked in and we both had a little cry and she said to me “That’s a good cry, those are good tears”.

There would be other challenges, other dark moments, other times when things would look bleak, but this was the incident that I could look back on and realize Pat was going to make it…no matter what was coming.

I saw the Lord ever before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.  Therefore my heart was glad, and my tongue rejoiced.  Moreover my flesh will rest in hope, because You will not leave my soul in Hades, or allow your Holy One to see decay.  You have revealed the path of life to me; You will fill me with gladness in Your presence. Acts 2: 25-29

Repost of Next Phase and Round Two from July 2010

• Next Phase
• |07/19/2010 10:15 am

This is the Dr. from the Emergency Room,  

that treated Pat in the E.R. the night she was diagnosed and admitted to the hospital 366 days ago.  I’ve seen him only once since she was released from that first visit and have misplaced his name.  He was thoughtful with a very good bedside manner, though I could tell he needed some sleep.  That’s one thing that I noticed, most of the Doctors and Residents looked like they needed sleep and that’s not a condemnation as much as it is a observation and a commendation, for I must say that throughout this journey, most of the staff that we dealt with were considerate and knowledgeable and helpful even though they looked to be on the wrong end of a nap.  Most did a good job of hiding their true feelings of Pat’s “prognosis” and a couple of them had an excellent way with words and delivery and advice as to how to handle myself if the outcome was as dire as the diagnosis.

July 17, 2009 was the day that changed our lives forever.  That was the day I knew I would find out if what I believed myself to be, was true.  I had always known my wife was a warrior, so I expected nothing less than the fight of her life, for her life, to manifest itself.  What I hoped would also manifest itself was my belief that I could be the strong, supportive warrior she needed to help her survive.  I knew I had to pray like I had never prayed before and most of all I would have to listen to God and not let my pride and ego get in the way of me hearing what He needed me to do.

You always hear about serious things happening to other people and you say, “wow, that’s tough”, and “let me know if there’s anything I can do”.  At the time you say it, you really mean it, but until this happened I couldn’t really see the other side of that.  All our friends offered to help in any way we needed, but at the time I (we) really couldn’t see anything that they could do.  You truly are on an island at first and have no idea of what you need.  Imagine being ship-wreaked, you wake up disoriented, not knowing where you are, or maybe even what has happened to you.  Slowly the realization comes to you, this is what happened.  The next thought is how could I have avoided this?  Then depending on your state of mind, maybe how do I get out of here.  So you take stock of where you are and what resources you have available.  You make a plan, and then…go!

We have been blessed with a loving family, friends who love us and will do anything to help and support us.  To all of them we say THANK YOU, from the bottom of our hearts!  Thanks for the beds, the pep-talks, the kicks in the pants, the meals and the company (and everything else I failed to mention).  I often tell people I can’t plan tomorrow, but a year ago that was truer than it is today.

Soon we will enter the next chapter of this journey.  It has been 4 months since Pat’s last chemo session and soon we will be meeting with Dr. Gloom. (Pat’s Oncologist and I call him that in all fondness.  It’s a story for another time) He will be advising us of where we are as far as her progression and treatment options (if needed).  On second thought … there’s no time like the present.

Here’s how Dr. Gloom got his nickname.  We went to see him after Pat had completed her radiation and was still suffering from pneumonia, to plan the start of her chemo treatments.  She was, I must admit, not in the best state of health.  He started to explain the harsh effects of the chemo and that she wasn’t looking like she could withstand the upcoming regimen and then he took me aside and said maybe I should just take her home and make her comfortable.  I told him he didn’t know Pat, how much of a warrior she was and that all he needed to do was tell me when he wanted her there and she would be ready.

When we next saw Dr. Gloom we were waiting in the exam room laughing and joking.  I could see his face before he entered the room, his expression showing him seemingly struggling to find a way to deal with what he was expecting to see, you know kind of “gloomy”.  When he saw Pat, all he could say was…PA-TREE-SHAW!!!  You look good!  I said to him, “I told you she would be ready”.  So from then on we have fondly referred to him as Dr. Gloom as it helps us remember he is always going to be a “worse-case scenario” kind of guy.

Pat is a warrior; I have to keep reminding myself of that, but most of all as we prepare for this next phase I have to remember…Stand on God’s Promise!

Leaving the Hospital to begin "The Journey"

Floyd

07/28/2010 08:59 pm

WARRIORS….STAY PRAYED UP AND IN FULL ARMOR…..BATTLE TIME…

• Round Two
• |07/27/2010 10:46 am

This…

was a post I was hoping not to have to write but, here we are.  Pat has been advised by her oncologist to begin another round of Chemo.  This will be a different drug, more powerful than the last treatment combination but the infusion time will be “only” an hour, compared to the 6-7 hours per infusion the last treatment took.  She will be on a 2 week on, 1 week off schedule, so maybe this will be more tolerable for her.
Dr. Gloom said to her when we went to see him that the new drug is required because the last combination didn’t work so it can’t be used again.  He said she could take some time to think about it but she said right away, there was nothing to think about, especially if the alternative was to do nothing, (there he goes again) she’s just not the type to give up without a real fight.  It will mean changing her diet (again), it could mean loss of appetite, (she’s been eating really well), being mindful of who she is around (the drug will compromise her immune system), possible hair loss (her hair was just starting to grow in and it looks soooo cute!) and the other stuff chemo does to the body.

August 1, 2010

Well, here we are after the first treatment.  It went really well, she actually said she had relief from her back pain for that first day.  Let me preclude this by saying Pastor Ron and Shirley came by on Tuesday before we left to pray with us.  That was a blessing!  When we got to Reggie and Bonnie’s, they told us they had been praying over and throughout their home so that the house would be filled with the Holy Spirit during our stay.  Sonny went with us and he cooked on Friday since Yvonne’s birthday was Saturday.  MAN HE THREW DOWN!!!  He made fried chicken, fried fish, macaroni and cheese, greens, fried green tomatoes, fried broccoli, and peach cobbler. My mom made several types of dip, brought pies, there was a cake, Desi made cupcakes, I’m just saying, there was a lot of food.  Pat’s mom Beverly, Pat’s sister Valerie and her boyfriend Walter came, my sister Michelle and my dad came, and of course Natasha came with my Mom, Desi’s two daughters were there and our niece Nicole who is home from school, so along with Reggie’s mom Liz and Yvonne, Sonny, Pat and myself that was 17 people.  We invited Velma, Damon and Anjelice but Velma had work to do and Damon has “funny” hours and Anjelice stayed to help her Mom.  Man, it was so good, poor Reggie feel asleep before the cobbler came out of the oven!

Sonny...Throwin' Down

I did see Damon at the Pastor’s breakfast on Saturday that Reggie invited us to attend.  His pastor’s friend Jack Sapp was the key speaker.  During his lesson he asked us to stand and ask someone we didn’t know, “What do you really want from God?”  I chose him as my person and I told him I wanted two things.  First, I wanted a complete healing for my wife! (That was easy to guess, huh?)  But second was, “I would really like to hear God when He talks to me.”  I want to know that when I talk to Him, to KNOW that He hears me and that that is Him answering me.  I want to get my pride and my ego out of the way so that I can really hear Him.  There was a little more in-depth but, that was it in a nutshell.  We spoke a little and he had some encouragement and we shared what it was he wanted and then he “thanked me” for sharing with him what I was going through, and that what I was feeling was from the heart.  I left there feeling lifted, feeling like I was on-track, that I had been…heard.

Best of all though was that Pat’s treatment went really well.  I know the prayers had all to do with it, to God goes all the glory.  She didn’t lose her appetite, didn’t get nausea from the drug, didn’t seem to tire from it, had a slight respite from the pain, it was great (relatively speaking).

So we continue, she perseveres, I will continue to pray, as I hope all of you will and we will get through this with God’s healing grace.

I love you all,

Floyd and  

comment – 08/01/2010 04:50 pm

you forgot bout that good ol’ cornbread! can’t have greens without that good good cornbread!! thank you all for enjoying the food.

Owner replies – 08/02/2010 08:36 am

Aw man how could I have forgotten that?!

Update and Repost of Anniversary August 2010

I have been busy this morning, in addition to posting 3 blogs from last year, I just sent an email to Pat’s neurosurgeon as we are coming up to the two year anniversary of her brain surgery, advising him that Pat is still fighting the good fight and telling him how thankful I am to have been given this time with Pat thanks to God’s grace and his skill.  We are also looking forward to attending the Fresno family reunion so this is a good time to post last years’ story of the events that occurred at this time last year (and two years ago).

However before I do, let me update you on what’s going on currently.  As you may know we had a short break (as in skipping 1 treatment) from her chemo due to the low hemoglobin (red blood cell) numbers.  This gave us an almost three wee break.  Well Pat woke up Wednesday morning with her left jaw swollen.  We called the dentist, then went to see her to discover Pat has two infected teeth.  This will require them to be removed as they have been fractured and cannot be saved according to the dentist.  As always with Pat, it’s not that simple.  She will be required to see an oral surgeon because she is going through chemo and the possibility of bleeding (due to her carrying the Von Willebrand’s trait) and the teeth being fractured so we need to find a surgeon in So. Cal. to do it so that if anything goes awry we will be near the oncologist and the hospital.

Pat seems to be in the issue of the month club the last few months.  June it was the seizure, July the hemoglobin and now August dental issues.  The Enemy just won’t leave her alone but I have read the Book, and at the end we win!  Keep praying for us, we love you all.

Floyd

• Anniversary
• 08/15/2010 08:09 am

August 17th, 1 year ago I stood in the Pre-Op room, my wife laying on a gurney, prepared to see her wheeled into life saving or possibly life-ending surgery.  Four days prior we had met Dr. Stiner the surgeon that would be performing this task.  We had been in San Diego when we had gotten the call that the surgeon wanted to meet with us.  We were there to relax after a 3 week period of trying to deal with the life changing words “you have something in your brain”, told to us by our family physician on that evening in July.  I had been trying to be as supportive and as active in seeing to Pat’s needs as possible, but this was something almost overwhelming as just over three weeks prior we had lost our good friend Clyde to a drowning accident.  We prayed on it and moved to set a battle plan.

Sonny was on the planning committee for the upcoming family reunion, scheduled to be in San Diego August 14th, so we reserved a room even though there was a question whether anyone else was going to make it.  We said, hey we’ll be there and if anyone else decides to show, great.  We had as good a time as possible considering the circumstances.

Ever since that first night in the ER back in July 2009, I had been having this “roaring sound” in my head.  It’s hard to describe, just a constant background noise in my head.  When we got the call from the surgery unit to come in to meet the Dr. we packed up our stuff and headed off to the hospital to see him.  Sitting in this small cramped room, the three of us, waiting to hear what fate awaited Pat.  We were Prayerful that God would get us through this.  When the Dr. walked in we introduced ourselves and he asked how much or how little information we wanted to know.  Of course we said “Everything” so he said, the tumor had grown from the size of a pea to the size of a ping-pong ball in 30 days and that it was sitting on the main artery supplying blood to the brain right above the cerebellum, cutting the blood supply which was causing the headaches she had been experiencing.  It had closed off almost 2/3 of the artery.  Her options were, she could do nothing, in which case the tumor would continue to grow and close off that artery and at some point she would go to sleep, slip into a coma and not wake up, or she could have surgery to remove the tumor.  He continued, “It’s never good to have a tumor but if you are going to have one, this is the one to have.  It’s right on the surface, it doesn’t seem to have any “roots” growing into the brain, and coincidentally I just did a surgery on one like this yesterday and I have another scheduled next Monday morning”.    Pat looked at him and right away said “Let’s do it!”  It was at that moment I realized the “roar” in my head had stopped.  We had a battery of Doctors and Specialists he wanted us to see immediately and wouldn’t you know everything fell into place as God walked us through that day.  Everyone she needed to see “just happened to have an opening” as we finished seeing the person before.  It was absolutely amazing.  When we saw the surgeon at the end of the day, he said he had checked his schedule and could do her surgery Monday, after his first surgery.  So with this we started home to prepare for the next week.

So there we were Monday morning waiting for the DR. and his “A-team” to do their part to save my wife’s life.  Dr. Stiner walks into the prep room with his confident smile, and asked how we were doing.  We answered we were ready (yeah, we huh?) and then asked how his first surgery went. He says “Oh they canceled so I’m fresh and I got called in on Saturday for an emergency surgery on a tumor just like yours so I’ve had plenty of practice”.  Thank you Lord!

The surgery lasted just a while longer than expected but when the surgeon came out he was smiling and he said “It went well.  I got all I could see, and she’s doing fine, she’s in recovery and will be awake soon”.  I couldn’t wait to see her.  She looked no worse for the wear considering, and when she awoke I COULDN’T STOP SMILING INSIDE AND OUT.

I thanked God and prayed that we were over the hump, but there were storm clouds gathering…

Repost of Milestone and Two Plus Years from July’10

• Milestone
• |07/05/2010 10:11 am
• This post is trackbacked fromhttp://pulse.yahoo.com/@us1/y/blog/post?articleId=180189

July 16, 2010 will be a milestone.  July 16, 2010 will be 1 year since Pat’s hospitalization.  I will be quietly celebrating (yes I know how strange it sounds but) to get to that date because, that night it seemed so unlikely to be reached.  You had to have been there to hear and see our Dr. that night, fumbling to get the words out.  The night started out with him jokingly telling Pat Michael Jackson was just “dancing in her head” causing the headaches she was having.  But when the MRI results came in he walked in the room with as serious a look as I’ve ever seen on his face, I knew instantly the news was not going to be good. At the moment he said “I am going to admit you” I wondered, how can we make it through this?  My answer was immediate and definite.  Pat is a warrior, one of God’s favorites, she will get through this.  I know it is said you have to go through the several stages of grief, but if we did it was too fast to realize each stage.  We had to first understand what was happening, all the tests they needed to do to find out what we were dealing with, then the waiting to hear what it was. During the wait was the first time I had a realization that this is an all or nothing battle.  Maybe that was the first stage … denial.

I gave my mom some advice once, (imagine that) “If you have faith in God, Life, I said is like a roller-coaster ride, get in (wake up), put your seat belt on, (use your brain) lower the safety harness (wrap yourself in the security of the Lord), enjoy the ride! (Believe he will give you no more than you can handle with his help.)  I often have to remind myself of this advice, reminding myself that, I am not in control and that true trust in God requires, let me say that again, requires that I let Him handle things because “He’s Got This!”  I’m just along for the ride.  One other thing while I am speaking of advice, Michelle said something to me when I was having a hard time with a serious decision I had to make; she said “believe that whatever decision you make, it will be the right one.”  That short profound advice has made it so much easier to deal with this Journey.

Now back to the original point, July 16, 2010 will be a milestone, 1 year, since Pat was hospitalized.  1 year, since my Dr.’s eyes said she may not be here in a year.  1 year, since she put on the armor.  1 year, during which I realized how strong she really is.  1 year I am blessed to have spent with her.

• Two Plus Years
• |07/14/2010 07:28 am

Right about the time the Campaign process began, I went to a meeting here in Pahrump for a candidate for president.  I had heard about how good a speaker he was but didn’t really know much about him.  So I went to this gathering at a local watering hole to see what he was about.  Well “not too much of a surprise”, the candidate himself wasn’t there, just a bunch of young “kids” extolling the candidate’s message of “Change”.  I listened, and watched his video and volunteered to come to their next meeting.  That was the beginning of my involvement in Barack Obama’s campaign.

For the next year or so, the wife and I went to meetings, hosted a meeting at our home and watched the battle for the nominations for the two parties work its way out.

During this time my BFF, Chevalier gave up a good paying job…OK well he retired, and decided to take a trip to the end of the earth…OK, just as far as Ohio (well to Cavalier’s fans that seems like the end of the world now I suppose).  Well anyway, where was I … oh, the trip.  We, (the wife, Clyde and I) decided to meet him on his way back at Zion National Park.  If you’ve never been there (and you can afford it in this economy) you should go.  One day we went to Bryce canyon, which is “right” next to Zion, relatively speaking.  During this mini-trip the four of us were walking up a rather steep incline and Pat stopped and said she had to sit down; she was having hard time breathing and was feeling a bit faint.  Knowing she was a smoker (40 years), didn’t get much exercise, and that we were at a reasonably high altitude I didn’t give it much more thought, reasoning that all the aforementioned factors were the cause but more on that later probably in another post.  (Little did we know that was the first manifestation of Pat’s illness)

That evening we went to dinner at one of the nearby restaurants during which a “spirited” debate broke out between Clyde and I (was there any other kind of debate you could have with Clyde?) about who would be a better Democratic candidate, Hillary or Barrack.  Clyde was so convinced the citizens of this great nation were not ready to elect a Black man president, and that the “experience” of being Bill Clinton’s wife, with the benefit of his counsel would make her a better candidate.  I tried to make him see that although “I love me some Bill Clinton” that the events surrounding his departure from his presidency were not going to endear him to his wife, nor did she, well let’s just say it: probably wouldn’t want to hear anything he had to say!  Anyway, I guess we know who won that argument in the end.

Now during this campaign season I started writing to the newspapers opinion sections.  I got a couple articles published, but I was also paying close attention to the republican race because being the “independently thinking, registered democrat that has voted for republican candidates before”, I wanted to keep my eyes open to the possibility of what the republican candidate might have to offer.

It was during this attention to detail that I wrote a poem about Sen. John McCain, McCain to the rescue, the writing of which caused me to have to look up the word “Deuteronomy” in the Bible.  This brings me to the purpose of today’s post.

I started reading the Bible that day, beginning in Deuteronomy, finishing the Old Testament, then going back to Genesis, reading to my starting point in Deuteronomy, then on to the New Testament and ending today at Revelation: Chapter 22 verse 21: “The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints.  Amen”

I have tried to read 5 chapters on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it has taken me 2 plus years to complete.  Do I know everything about GOD and his Son Jesus?  NO.  Do I feel closer to Him?  Yes!  Here’s what I feel: reading the Word has answered some questions and … and triggered some questions.  It has made me more focused on doing God’s will, knowing that his plan is far beyond my ability to understand or foresee.  What it has done is to make me realize that at the point at which I think God is not listening to me, is when he hears me the most and that I must step back, slow down and be “still”, so that I may hear his answer.  I have learned that He is speaking to me constantly and that I have to get out of my own way so that I may hear him.  You know that little voice inside that says “don’t put your keys down there, you won’t remember you left them there”, I believe that’s Him.  That feeling of dread you get when you’re doing something or contemplating doing something you know you probably shouldn’t, yeah that’s Him.  When you ask Him for something you know is not in your best interest and you don’t get it, that’s really Him.  I don’t know…I just believe.

Two plus years, I don’t know what took me so long … then again, yes I do.  So many times it was because what I read at that time was what I needed to hear for what I was facing at that time; in that place, where I was.  Faith is and can be a difficult thing sometimes, especially when your “logical” mind tells you to believe something different.  Well I have to say I have seen too many times when the Logical mind said, she’s not going to make it through this and the faith said “STAND!” and I did and she did and all I could do was say Thank you God!

Last Year at This Time

About this time last year we were looking forward to seeing the neurosurgeon that had done Pat’s surgery just to say hello and to let him see Pat’s progress.  She was doing fairly well and although we had to use a wheelchair to get her to his office, (she couldn’t walk long distances) he was more than pleased to see how well she was doing.  Two weeks from now we hope to see him again and surprise him with her continued progress.

We went to a Fifth Sunday Sing last night at our church.  It was  a gathering of numerous church choirs from Pahrump that happens during months that have 5 Sundays in them.  The various churches in town take turns hosting and this month it was our turn to host.  It was a joyous, uplifting, worshiping, praise-filled night and I was glad Pat and I could attend.  Pat and I had missed the service earlier that day as she wasn’t feeling very well but I was glad she felt well enough to attend.  It was also raining earlier so I wasn’t that keen on taking her out to be in that weather anyway.

As I mentioned this time last year we were looking forward to celebrating her 1 year anniversary of sorts.  I was looking back a couple of days ago at something I wrote to myself in May of last year (it was before I started writing the blog) and thought maybe I should share this.  Had I been doing the blog at that time It probably would have been shared then.

Here is a somewhat edited version:

Thoughts

May 21, 2010

Pat James just wrote in her blog she is cancer-free. What a great piece of news that we hope to hear someday soon.

Pat is still sleeping, peacefully I hope, and I am here in the game room thinking. (that can be dangerous) I didn’t sleep well last night, trying the new splint, fell asleep to Jay Leno, replaying Dr. Fu’s analysis. Then at about 4:21 am (more about that number later, maybe) Pat’s cell phone started beeping, I forgot to recharge it, so I’m rummaging around trying to find her charger, (I didn’t unpack) then knocking over stuff (trying to be quiet so I don’t wake her). Don’t forget, I’m doing this with a splint on my left hand. By the time I get through, I’m wide awake and can’t fall back asleep. So, now I’m thinking, I have to get up at 7:30 to go to breakfast with the guys from church at 8:00, and I keep thinking “I’ve got to get focused, because I am making mistakes, big ones.

We had a blowout on the way home, about 5 miles south of Shoshone. I pulled the spare out of the trunk, Praying it wasn’t flat) changed the tire (two guys stopped and offered to help ,knowing there is no cell service out there but I was almost done by then) as I was putting everything back I noticed the other rear tire was as bad or worse than the one that blew. So, as we always do I asked God to help us get 40 more miles on that tire. I stopped and called Dave (my next-door neighbor) from a land-line payphone in Shoshone and asked him to come look for us if we didn’t get home in 35-40 minutes. Dave is a wonderful God-send! Well we made it home safely and the guy at the tire store the next morning, said I couldn’t have put 2 more miles on that tire (Thank you Lord). Back to focusing: I am trying to do the best I can but I fear that I am not getting enough rest and will make a costly mistake. I hope God will protect her from my weaknesses.

I love her so much and I hate to see her in so much pain from the neuropathy in her feet and the back pain the the cause of which the Dr. isn’t sure.

I wound up skipping breakfast with the guys and so here I am hoping that writing this will relieve some of what I am feeling. Sometimes I want to break down but I feel that that would be an admission of defeat and I cannot do that, not for one second. God has done so much, how can I doubt that he will complete His work with her? Still I’m only a man and can only do as much as He helps me to do, ALL my strength comes from Him!

Which brings me to something else; I feel “funny” for lack of a better description, when people ‘complement’ me on caring for Pat. I don’t feel like I’m doing any more than I should, in fact this piece is in great part because I feel I’m not doing enough and am missing things I shouldn’t be missing. Maybe I’ll just tell them only with God all things are possible! Believe me I couldn’t do ANY of this without Him.

Enough for now, I should go check on her…

May 24, 2010

Woke this morning about 6AM, couldn’t fall back asleep. Thinking about music, running, the boys, anything but… Last night we watched the season finale of “Lost” and during the commercials I kept finding myself staring at Pat, thinking about how much I love her, praying she is fighting as hard as she can to break free of the “monster”. I looked her in the eye and said “get stronger”, she asked what I said and I told her again GET STRONGER. I told her “I love you” she said “thank you for loving me” And I said “no thank you for loving me”. It was one of those moments when I couldn’t hold back a tear but we knew what we were saying. I told her yesterday on the way home from church that if I could be anyone or anywhere in the world I would be right here with her right now. I can’t imagine what my life would be if not for her. The pastor said yesterday, God has 3 answers for you when you pray: yes, no or wait. I pray that “no” is not in His will. With His help and strength I will wait, and wait, for the moment He says YES. She has developed pain in her chest that we aren’t sure what is causing it. There is the obvious, but it seems to be following the nerve pattern from the shingles so…who knows. She seems to be sleeping better but her appetite wasn’t that good yesterday, there’s always today.

Wednesday is Tavis’ birthday, neither he nor his brother has called recently. Busy lives I guess. I sent Carl an E-mail on his birthday but got no response, I sent them both the blog, no response, I sent Carl an E-mail asking about the Hockey jersey, no response, not even to the follow-up asking if he was “too busy?” Hey I am disappointed they don’t call but I can’t worry about that now …though I guess I am, if I’m writing this. Hey it will all work itself out.

Oh, my orange and white butterfly koi was found dead this morning. No apparent COD.!?  Probably the bird.  

As usual I found myself “thinking” about Pat’s back pain. I had talked to C the other day and she mentioned how much Brenda had complained of back pain. Dr. Gloom had said he was concerned IT may have moved to the bone. I keep praying that it is God’s will that she will beat this and that He will heal the pain she is going through. It is hard for me to see her going through this so I know it’s got to be horrible for her. I don’t know how she does it, then again , yes I do. She is a warrior, One of God’s favorites.

June 1, 2010

YOU DON”T KNOW JACK

Last night we watched The Hangover in hopes Pat would do some laughing. She did. When we went to bed she said she was having trouble sleeping and that her back hurt…she “was tired of being in pain”. The next thing that came on was a film staring Al Pacino ,about Dr. Jack Kevorkian, “You Don’t Know Jack”. I felt a little uncomfortable about it but when asked, she said she wanted to watch so I rubbed her back with her little machine while she watched. I fell asleep after her massage and when I awoke a short time later she was still watching. She saw I was awake and said I could turn it off, but her back was hurting again so she asked if I would I rub it for her. I did until she fell asleep. I woke this morning wondering if there is something I could do to help her, so I prayed. Last night we prayed together instead of me going outside and “talking to God while staring up at the stars”. I felt good about it, although when she thanked God for sending me to take care of her and that she didn’t think anyone else but I could do it, I felt soooo unworthy. I appreciate that she is glad that I’m here but as I mentioned before, I just feel uncomfortable when I hear someone say it. I pray that I am worthy of her and His, trust in me. She decided to check her weight yesterday and discovered she has gained 3-4 lbs since the DR.’s visit. Another small step. She walked around a few times yesterday w/o her cane, another small step. I thank God for these small steps.

JUNE 4, 2010

I learned a new word yesterday, Aphasia. Aphasia.- brain disorder, mixing of words and or phrasing. This is something Pat has done a few times. She says things that don’t make sense or has problems writing her name or thinks words spoken aren’t making sense.

I started reading “ The Power of Two” by Brian and Gerri Monaghan. It is the story of a very bright and accomplished Trial Lawyer in San Diego who found out he had 2 brain tumors and stage IV Melanoma with a 15% prognosis of survival. The book is a testament to what a wife as an advocate for her husband, and a husband with the help from his wife (and God’s help, whether they chose to acknowledge it or not) did to beat those odds. (He said the first thing he thought when hearing that prognosis was I feel sorry for the other 85%)

I have just started reading it ( it was given to us by Pat James, by the way, Thank You Pat!) and I know that by the time I finish I will have shed many tears. I hope to gain some insight as to how to help continue this battle against “the Monster” and help in some small way, my wife to defeat it. This in no way ignores the more than significant part God plays in all of this. I just mean the part we need to do as He makes our way.

Pat helped to cook dinner last night! Thank you God for another step.

I tried to turn on the “air” Thursday evening and the heat pump wouldn’t come on…Disaster! It was 90 degrees in the master bedroom so I was prepared to sleep in the bedroom we used when pat was first recovering from her surgery. Sonny discovered that the heat pump was “clicking” when I turned the thermostat to cool so he suggested we look up “Pump clicking when turned on” on the internet. After much help from him we discovered a “test questions” site and it stated the problem was probably a relay switch. As Sonny was leaving that night he suggested I pull the panel and see if I could find the relay switch and we could replace it when he returned. I placed a fan in the master, opened the windows and waited for the room to cool. It did enough to sleep in it, and exhausted, I climbed into bed after 1 A.M. thinking I would get up the next morning and tackle the problem.

I got up late, for me, about 9AM am, felt too tired to go straight to work on the A.C. so that’s when I picked up the book, went outside, text-ed Sonny a message to make sure he had made it safely then opened the book. I hadn’t made it through the acknowledgments before the tears started flowing and I knew this was going to be a day I needed to take somewhat of a mental break. So, no computer and try to just do as little mental work as possible, do things that made me smile- rub Pat’s back, message her sore muscles and feet, make her breakfast, get her to eat and drink. So that’s what I did, feeling guilty about not working on the air but there was a reason for that.

I got up this morning, after a warm night and a strange dream, [In the dream I had cut my hand somehow and couldn’t stop the bleeding so I had to walk to a fire-station which turned out to be some sort of training unit for surgery students(?), I don’t know, I told you it was strange…but there seemed to be a lot of people from my past in this dream that I don’t now know who they were, but in the dream I saw the faces and realized they were people from my “real” past. I awoke and I had just enough time to get to breakfast with the guys from church. Afterward, I went to the grocery store. When I got back home I got a text from Doug. I called him and while we were talking I told him about the heat-pump problem. As we were talking about how calling someone to fix it would probably be an expensive and unnecessary parts replacement debacle, I went outside and took the cover off the unit looking for the defective part. Wouldn’t you know it, there, right before my eyes was a loose wire connector. I connected the wire, went in the house, turned the thermostat to cool and “Voila” the unit kicked in! As I’m telling Doug how I found and fixed the problem he said ”And Who else?” I had to have him repeat what he asked before it hit me. “Thank You God!” I said it out loud and Doug related how he has had to catch himself on several occasions patting himself on the back for fixing things without acknowledging God. This is why I didn’t work on it yesterday, I needed to be on the phone with Doug so I could get my “Lesson” Thank You Lord!

June 6, 2010

I had two things I wanted to write about today but either sleeping or not getting enough sleep has ripped them from my mind. “Sheesh!” < ( 1 of the suggested replacement words for this was “hasheesh…hummh as in “this is your brain on…”? ) I stayed awake past 1:30AM LAST NIGHT KNOWING I WAS GOING TO GET UP BY 7. I’m tired and sleepy!

JUNE 12, 2010

Dad and Michelle came for a visit this weekend.

June 17, 2010

Pat got on the scale yesterday. She said earlier in the day she was afraid to, and that Dr. Fu was going to be “mad” at her because she was still using her cane. Well she has gained about 6 lbs!!! She was VERY happy about that and I was almost in tears. (that seems to be a theme lately, I have been feeling quite emotional) She has been eating really well and I’ve noticed she is giving the extra effort when she gets full. Praise God! Well as if we don’t have enough on our plate, my unemployment ran out this week but,at least I got almost a full payment. I don’t know whether to tell Pat yet; I don’t want her stressing over this while she is doing better. Well God has been taking care of us so far, I trust He has a plan for this. I guess I need to find a job but who will hire me when I tell them I have to take my wife back and forth to Ca. for treatments? Man, What a mess…just another opportunity to see God work wonders! Lord help me please.

June 27, 2010

This was a good and a melancholy week, Clyde (and Michael) died 1 year ago this past Friday. Seems like a long time and just yesterday at the same time.

We drove into Victorville on Thursday to pick up Pat’s medications, and spent about an hour and a half waiting on Sonny to do some business @ SSA. It was time to spend together, talking and napping. We ate at Marie Calender’s and though she didn’t eat her burger, she did eat all her cup of potato cheese soup and half her cornbread. We stopped at El Pollo to pick up her wing lover’s and she ordered a chicken taco which she ate a little more than half of. Friday, she watched Michael specials and in the evening, I came in to hear “Rock My World” (I think) and we “DANCED”. She has been saying, longingly, she used to be able to dance, well now she can again! This Saturday morning I sent Emails to Senators Reid and Ensign asking them to reconsider the jobless bill and then we drove to Vegas to eat Soul food at M&M’s, Tim (the owner) said to call him about places he could open a restaurant here in Pahrump. By the way a “pleasure trip” to Vegas can be checked off the list (of things she wants to do again). Well I should go walk the dog and get ready for church I guess. I spoke to Antwine on Saturday about Clyde, …

Well this is what my life was like a year ago.  The more things change the more they stay the same huh?  Although she is doing much better!

Floyd

My Original “Chair Dancing” post

Before I came to WordPress I was writing on Yahoo.  Yahoo has deleted their blog.  I will in the next few weeks or so be re-posting the original blogs from there.  I had done one this morning but it has “disappeared” so I am having to do it again.

Here you go from June 2010, enjoy!

WOW dude!

Chair Dancing is the title of a blog entry done by Patricia James, a Dean at MSJC, who was going through Chemo at the same time as Pat.  Amazing that they would have the same name huh?  Most of you have probably seen some version of this as I have sent it to you in an EMAIL or someone has probably forwarded it to you. I have posted it here hopefully with Patricia James’ blessing from(http://phanz.wordpress.com see the March 13th posting in the archives),

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL_CLJ76LpI 

This is a song I listened to during the time Pat was recovering from brain surgery.  I listened to it literally dozens of times. I prefer it to the one Ms.James lists in the post to play while reading: (mainly because of the personal meaning it has for me but both songs now have meaning to me)  

Wow Dude, is the answer from my buddy when he read the post.  I have been trying to do the best I can and watching Pat battle the way she has is humbling, truly humbling!  From the moment our Dr. said there was something in her brain, Pat put on her armor and went to battle.  Let me tell you this God is real!  I have watched some amazing things happen on this journey that cannot be explained any other way than to say He has assigned an Angel to watch over her and I am the luckiest and most blessed person to have been chosen by Him to help her get through this (in my small way).  I have decided to try writing this blog as an outlet as well as a way to get out information to all of you who care about and love Pat.  I can’t promise any regularity, it will be more of a “write as I go or think”

Floyd…God’s humble servant

Here is that post By Patricia James; Dean MSJC from March 2010:

 

Chair Dancing

Please listen to the Youtube song as you read (opens in a new window, then you can come back here to listen as you read) :  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NHjUEdiebE Thanks, Amy

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Chair Dancing

Yesterday was “infusion day” at Riverside Kaiser.  I had a later appointment that usual an envisioning getting out of there after dark had me grumbling all week.  I sniffed and whined about how long it takes for me to get in and out, how long it takes for my orders and all – just because I had been given an afternoon appointment.  Then I went ahead and ran the guilt through my brain about the fact that a 2:00 appointment would leave me time to go to work in the morning.

Wow, how easy it is to psych ourselves out for the worst in a situation doing that internal monologue!  By the way—the one good thing that I did for myself out of the anticipated schedule of Friday, was to work from home on Thursday!  I had a few major online/phone meetings on Thursday and there was no need to be anywhere special to do them.  So, I stayed home and rested and got a ton of work done in the bargain!  Otherwise, I just grumbled about what Friday was going to become.

It had been a tough week, other than Thursday.  Topping my list was loosing a huge budget item to the financial crisis the state is in,  followed right behind by feeling exhausted from the Taxol build-up in my system.  Friday morning I had two meetings.  Both of them were really good experiences and I realize now that they had given me energy and I had that good feeling that addressing problems head on usually gives me.  I sure work with wonderful people and need to focus on and appreciate that fact more.

Keith and I went to lunch, thinking that an hour for that and the 45 minute drive to Riverside would get us there about 20 minutes early.  We arrived one hour early.  I decided to check in early just in case they had room and there wasn’t anyplace else to go by then, anyway.  I never assume and don’t want to press people at the hospital to fit me in.  I was prepared to read and wait happily able to enjoy quiet time without infusion going on.

I waited about 15 minutes before Rowena came and motioned me in, quickly she got me into my favorite chair in the room (by the window) and apologized that she would get to me as soon as she could.  I told her not to worry, that I was fine.  It was lunchtime for some of the nurses and the ones covering were literally running from patient to patient.  I was just grateful to be in a chair.

I had no idea that this would be my best experience in the infusion room, and maybe my best experience of the treatment process.  Sitting across the room from me was a woman that I had seen many times.  She was usually there with her husband when I was.  I come in every week, people are on many different schedules and I see them over and over on different weeks.  This couple were regulars.  I had always noticed the way that the man cared for the woman because there was so much love conveyed by the way he would cover her with a blanket or help her to the rest room, just in everything.  But we never really talked much past a warm “hello”.  Boy did I miss a great opportunity!

Anyway, yesterday they were sitting really close to Keith and I and we started to talk a little.  I discovered that it was her last treatment!  What a cause for celebration, and I said so.  She had a much worse cancer than I, and a much heavier treatment.  There were some days that I just focused on sending her good energy across the room because I could feel her obvious pain.

We were all smiling today!

This day we laughed as her husband related stories of how they discovered her brain tumor and generally told some stories of her strength. This included the story of the doctor, who, early in the process, that had told him to take Pat home and make her comfortable.  The husband said that doc didn’t know Pat! I learned that she lost 14 years of nurtured dread locks to the chemo (he had his, though), which made my lost little strands seem so insignificant. There were a couple of other patients and relatives talking to us about hair loss and we all laughed at our silliness over it all.  But the best was yet to come.

When Pat’s  last bag of chemo was empty and the electronic meter started to announce the end of the poison drip with its incessant beep (a sound we all hate but still look forward to) and the nurse removed her last needle, the atmosphere in our corner of the room became festive.  One of the nurses came over with this little little stuffed musical poodle on a stand and announced that Pat would have to dance with her, that it’s a tradition.  I am attaching a photo here because it is not to be missed.  The air was filled with hope as that tinny music of the poodle began and the nurse started dancing, and Pat too weak to get up, danced in her chair. I danced in my heart.

I can’t tell you what that felt like watching someone who had come to the end of the surgeries, the radiation, and the poison drip.  I know there are many more visits to the doctor for Pat, more blood sucking needle sticks, and years of watching and wondering.  But there are years ahead and locks to grow and love to share and attitude to regain and develop, and she will do them all with strength and power that I can only hope to match a small percentage of.

I know we all felt that hope in the room at that dancing moment and the applause that followed.  There was much laughter in the room yesterday, even as the weak man in the middle became ill and I saw curtains pulled for the first time since I’ve been there, and some couldn’t stay awake through the benedryl, and others had to have the needles removed and set in again and again.  I am so lucky to have been there at 2:00 pm. for my late appointment, so lucky to have only five weeks of poison left, so lucky to be able to work, so lucky to know that I will be well again.

I’ve been considering how I will change as a result of this time in my life and I think I will leave it all with increased gratitude, love, renewed friendships with old friends, and a sense of what is really important.  I will be at Amy’s wedding with really short hair, but no wig and no scarf and no poison and will love my family there with all of my strength and heart.  I am glad I had a late appointment yesterday.  Thank you Rowena for giving me THAT chair, and thank you Pat, for dancing in your chair.

Learning Moment: Quit whining, blessings may be in the offing.

Thank you Patricia for this!

Floyd

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I Became Somebody

Today is my birthday.  It kinda sneaked up on me, at my age they tend to do that I guess.

I am sitting here waiting for Pat to awaken so I thought I would reprint all my blogs that have been removed from Yahoo and put them (in the order I posted them there) on WordPress. I started with “Chair dancing” and I will continue to post them again as I said originally with no regularity just as I feel so led.  As I was doing that, one of my niece’s called to wish me a “Happy Birthday” so I thought I would write this short blog.

To you Pat I want to say you are the greatest gift I could be given, Thank you for your love and example.  This song says it all, I became somebody through loving you.  It reminds me of the Story of Us, Made in Heaven Happy Birthday to me!