Thirty-Two

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8, NKJV)

This Saturday marked the 32nd month since Pat’s diagnosis on July 17, 2009.  A lot has happened since the last time I’ve written.  Pat has been struggling to maintain her weight but since they don’t actually weigh her I’m not sure how much weight she has lost.  They measured the bicep circumference and as of last week she had lost more than 5 centimeters over the two prior weeks.  Although that does not bode well, we keep praying there is a turnaround coming.  At the risk of T.M.I., she is also struggling to maintain regularity which in turn I’m sure, affects her appetite.  I keep praying for a break but there just doesn’t seem to be one coming as fast as I want it.  Like I have been saying she will have a breakthrough in one area and another problem will pop up somewhere else.  Through it all, she keeps fighting with what strength she has.                                               “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.” John 15:7

About two weeks ago I spoke to an ex-coworker of Pat’s, “Miss Holly” as Pat always called her.  I invited her to come visit Pat.  She said that she and several of the other ladies that worked with Pat had talked about visiting but that they thought I should talk to Pat about it first. She said that Pat was a very private person at work and that they weren’t sure she would want them to see her in her current state.  I asked Pat about it and she said she would be glad to have them visit, but unfortunately she hasn’t been doing well the last two weeks so she never got to make that call.  Wow, you would think I would have known this after being together 34 years, but I didn’t.  I assumed from all the conversations we had about her office, that they were closer than (what I thought) they were.  From those conversations I felt I knew her people at work and when there were office functions that I went to I felt they were close.  However I am one of those people that never meets a stranger, so now I understand why Pat would tell me sometimes she wished she had more of my personality.  I remember from time to time she would say things like “all our friends are your friends” and that if anything happened to me she would be all alone because our friends were more mine than hers.  Well she has found out through all the outpouring of love and support, her feelings about that couldn’t have been further from the truth.  And Ms.Holly, she did say she wanted you guys to visit, but she took a slight turn for the worse, so to speak, after we had that conversation and never got a chance to make that call.

This past week as strange as it may sound I started missing the regimen of the visits to chemo, the routine that we would follow each week vs. the week of chemo.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not wishing she was still in chemo (well not to some degree) but we would spend a lot of time in the car together talking during that time and thinking about it made me realize Pat and my relationship was formulated and solidified in an automobile (get your mind out of the gutter :-0).  For twelve years, five months and eight days we commuted 63 miles one way, to work.  On the average we would leave our driveway at 5:30 am, to arrive at my office by 7:00am and then head home just before 5:00pm to arrive home about 6:30pm.  One of our rules, (and benefits of spending so much time in the car together) was, once we get home, no talking about work, so we did talk about what went on at both her and my job, so to hear Ms.Holly say she was a “very private person” at work kind of caught me by surprise.That was a lot of time spent together which gave us time to really get to know each other.  Granted we had already been together almost nine years to that point, but imagine being locked in a six by four foot room with someone a little over three hours a day, 5 days a week, for 12 years, five months and eight days.  You either get to know each other pretty well or the relationship doesn’t make it, right?  Well fortunately, ours did and has thrived because of that time being well spent.  To me, being in the car together it just feels so right.

A couple of Sundays ago my two closest friends came and took me to lunch.  One of their wives, Faye, stayed with Pat and since she was Pat’s friend before Pat and I met I felt OK enough to leave her with Pat.  During the time away I thought to myself this is the first real time to myself I’ve had since Pat was diagnosed and I have been “on duty” so to speak, 24/7 since January 11, 2010, my last day of work.  Well there was that trip to Pahrump early in February but that was business, retrieving things needed for here  and locking up the house in NV., so other than that I haven’t had a day off in over two years.  How’s that for dedication;-)

Well today (March 22, 2012) the nurse came and did another measurement.  She has lost another 1.5 centimeters.  I of course am disappointed and was hoping for better news but we will keep fighting the best we can.

This post has been a week-plus in the making mostly because I have been in a funk of sorts.  Last Friday I had to visit the dentist which resulted in a crown being needed.  If that wasn’t enough, I left my lights on and my battery died.  Luckily (actually God’s favor) the office manager gave me a jump and I didn’t have to wait for AAA.  So off I went, with only a small amount of pain.

As I said, I’m having a hard time with what to say so, I’ll close this with a verse from one of my favorite songs;

Even when it’s cold outside, there is love.  Even when you cry all night, you’re alright.  Even if you lose your way, you’ll get through.

There is someone watching over you!

Thank You Lord,

Floyd                                                                                                                     

16 In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: “Do not fear; Zion, let not your hands be weak. 17 The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”