Gethsemane

(Here is one of my favorite songs, you might want to go to this link, start it in another window and listen while you read this entry, but if not while you read it at least listen to it afterwards)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-I4U_ARfLs“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28, NIV) Pat and I in Sedona Arizona

 

It’s been almost two weeks, here’s what is going on;

To say I could use some more sleep would be a gross understatement, so the above Bible verse is so appropriate.  Pat has not been sleeping well at night and she has been groaning almost constantly day and night.  She says she isn’t in pain but I thought she may be suffering from some form of gastrointestinal distress.  When Pat’s mother called the next day, she confirmed my suspicions.  Just by hearing her groans over the phone, she determined that the problem was … “GAS”.  No one knows you like your mother, huh?

Wednesday, 2/15/12 at about 5:00PM, I asked Pat “What’s my name?” She could not  tell me, and my heart broke.  Not because I thought she didn’t really know who I was, but because I could see in her eyes that in that instant, she realized something was wrong with her mind.  Pat and I have not been able to hold a conversation for some time now.  I know that may surprise those of you who know Pat and haven’t seen her in a while, but she has fallen fairly silent.  She did however on Friday night become surprisingly lucid, asking questions of me and using words in her vocabulary I haven’t heard in a while.  In particular I saw her staring at the floor so I asked her what she was looking at and she replied “I was looking at the symmetry of the rug”  WOW.

Pat and I have followed a regimen in giving her her medicines and vitamins each night for a little over two years now.  It starts at 8:30pm each night and I give her a pill roughly each half hour until she has taken the 4 pills she takes every night.  The other night I had to go to the store after giving her the first pill at 8:30 and I didn’t get back until 9:15.  When I entered the bedroom I found her sitting up in bed with the bag of medicines in her hand.  I asked her what she was doing and she said she was looking for her medicine.  She doesn’t have the hand strength to open any of the bottles so there was no danger of her actually taking anything, but that showed me she is still there, fighting to maintain some semblance of normalcy of regularity in her life even as she is struggling to regain her mentation.  Physically, she is doing fair, all things considered.  She is able to walk around short distances holding my arm before getting tired and having to rest, but she is not having much of a problem with her breathing/respiration.  She is starting to lose weight and some muscle tone, and her appetite has been next to non-existent.  I have been extremely concerned that malnutrition might be setting in. She has developed an infrequent cough, but one different than any I have heard before and Friday evening she complained about a slight headache.  About ten minutes later she said it was gone.  However as I write this (I have said before it sometimes takes me several days to write and edit each post) the last couple days (Saturday and Sunday) she was complaining for the first time about pain in her chest to the point I had to give her something for the pain.  Her appetite has shown a marked improvement but, I had started feeding her like you would a toddler and by doing so she ate a significant amount more than she would have by feeding herself. Yesterday as I started feeding her she took the fork from me and continued to feed herself, eating more than she had been lately.  This is the way it has been going, she will show a physical improvement and then almost simultaneously she will have a mental decline, or maybe an improvement in her mental state will be followed by a physical problem, such as the night of her surprising lucidity being followed by nausea and vomiting at midnight, something that hasn’t happened since shortly after her first round of chemotherapy treatment.  We have no better choice now than to pray and thank God for His healing Grace and Mercy.

As I mentioned in my last post several of Pat’s former co-workers have called and offered their support, and several other of her cousins have visited.  Her cousin Rhonette from Northern Ca., her cousin DeAnna and her daughter Jennifer visited on the tenth (oh, and thanks for the flowers and the tip about the chocolate milk, but you owe me for all the miles I’m going to have to run to wear off the cake…no one else in the house really eats cake, so I had to eat most of it!).  Two days before that her cousin Jennifer (not DeAnna’s Daughter) visited and we also talked about ways to stimulate Pat’s appetite. Pat had good visits with them and as I have said before she seems to perk up when she hears new voices.  I fear my voice has become “Charlie Browns Parents” (you know…”Wonk, wonk, wonk”).  Pat also spoke to a former coworker (from twelve years ago) by phone and was asking her about things I didn’t remember, so again it’s seemingly therapeutic for her to speak to other people.  I also spoke to our friend with whom we kennel our dog, she says he is having “problems”.  I suspect he feels abandoned, but there is just nothing I can do at this time.  My nephew that had stayed with us is now living down in L.A. and cannot take off from school to go and spend a week in our home to give him, Marley, a break.  My only consolation is that I know he is being well cared for where he is.  Thank you Eileen for all you have done for us, and know that I, no we, miss our Marley!  Hang in there buddy we hope to be there as soon as we can.

So Pat soldiers on, I do what I can and we continue to stand on God’s word.  Lord help me to be strong, let me hear Your voice, place the right people in my path, order my steps to accomplish Your will for my life, in Jesus name. AMEN

Floyd

P.S. Please leave a comment, I read them to Pat and they really lift her spirits! Thank you!

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps” (Proverbs 16:9, NIV) “…Nevertheless not my will, but Yours, be done”

(Luke 22:42b, NKJV)