Caged Bird

I was watching Pat the other day, she was staring out the window with a faraway, wistful look in her eyes.  She has been unable to go outside since December 16th because of her condition.  She cannot go up and down the stairs so she hasn’t been outside.  I could only imagine what she might be thinking, maybe what it would be like to stroll down the sidewalk, to take a drive, to be with Marley, to be whole and well again.  It was something she could not or would not, verbalize, and my whole being hurts to it’s core that I could not figure it out and give it to her.  It made me think of this poem;

Paul Laurence Dunbar

Sympathy

I know what the caged bird feels, alas!
When the sun is bright on the upland slopes;
When the wind stirs soft through the springing grass,
And the river flows like a stream of glass;
When the first bird sings and the first bud opes,
And the faint perfume from its chalice steals–
I know what the caged bird feels!

I know why the caged bird beats his wing
Till its blood is red on the cruel bars;
For he must fly back to his perch and cling
When he fain would be on the bough a-swing;
And a pain still throbs in the old, old scars
And they pulse again with a keener sting–
I know why he beats his wing!

I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,–
When he beats his bars and he would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart’s deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings–
I know why the caged bird sings!

For those of you who may not know, Mr. Dunbar was a poet who died in 1906, whose father served in the Massachusetts 56th during the Civil War, (the Military Unit the movie “Glory” was about)  This poem was the inspiration for the title of Maya Angelou’s autobiography “I know Why the Caged Bird Sings”  But these are all stories for another time.

Pat is doing OK, all things considered.  She has started mixing her dream-life with real life from time to time but physically she seems to be doing fine.  She is still on oxygen 24/7, and still cannot walk more than a few steps without laboring in her breathing and her appetite leaves much to be desired, but as always she is in God’s hands and I can’t think of a better place for her.   We are still unceasingly prayerful that there is still one more miracle healing in store for her and I hear from all of you that you are praying for that too.  Thank you.  It never seems to be enough to just say thank you but I hope you know how much your prayers and thoughts mean to us, for that it is one of the places I go to draw strength, realizing there are so many people standing with us.

This post is being written over a period of a few days and since I wrote the above paragraphs there have been some victories and setbacks.  Pat has been able to walk around with out the wheelchair now and again, but her communication has become more difficult and following instruction has been more difficult for her.  (Perhaps it’s just that she is just tired of talking to me?!)  She has had some swelling of her left arm which has been there for a couple days.

She had a cousin fly down this weekend from the Bay Area just to spend a few hours with her.  It was just great to see her interact with her cousins.

As for me, I am not getting enough sleep, I could probably use some exercise, I miss Marley tremendously and I miss all of you. But I soldier on  and I am still determined to claim God’s favor for our future.  I have seen God work miracles in our lives from the beginning of relationship until now.  So no matter how bad the medical report, I believe God’s report; God said “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans for a hope and for a future.”  I must believe that, until God Himself tells me to believe something else.

Floyd

^{Psalm 37, 3-6}

³ Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
⁴ Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
⁶ He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.